A Woman Writer Walked into a Bar…

… and answered the question “What do you do?” This is a collection of the comments that she received from men. Have you ever heard any of these lines?

An edited selection reblogged from LennyMen in Airport Bars Ask: “What Do You Do?”

“My daughter is a literature major.”

“If you heard my story … oh, boy. I’ll tell you this: if you wrote even half my story, you’d never have to work another day in your life.”

“Do you have anything published? Oh, yeah? Where do you sell your books? Can I get one at my library? I’m going to promise you something: I’m going to get your book from my library and read it and then I’ll give you my honest opinion. Stop looking at me like that. You think I’m not going to borrow your book from the library?”

“I thought about doing something like that. But then I realized, you know what? I gotta make a living. The real world doesn’t let you sit around scribbling in a notebook.”

“I have an idea for a book. I don’t normally talk about it, but there must be some reason why I’m sitting next to an author in an airport bar. I still have half a beer, and here we are, and I’ve got nothing to do, so what the hell?”

“Are your novels fiction or nonfiction? I don’t like fiction novels. If I’m going to read, I want to learn something.”

“People always tell me to write my life story. They’re always like, ‘Stanley, you’ve got a book in you.’ “

“Do you have a blog? I work with this woman who has a blog.”

“No husband and no kids. So what will you have at the end of your life? You’ll just lie on your death bed surrounded by your books?”

“Uh-oh, I’d better watch what I say or I’ll wind up in one of your books!”

“I can tell you’re probably a handful.”

“So the book I want to write. Can you keep this confidential? I can’t have you blabbing this all over town. It’s about gold-diggers. It’s about how girls marry successful older men and then divorce them and take them for a ride. It’s about how men get blamed for all the world’s problems. Women are like, ‘Look over there at that terrible man,’ and while you’re distracted looking for the terrible man, before you know it, they’ve got your wallet. I’m speaking figuratively. But not too figuratively, I hate to tell you. I’m looking for a ghost writer. What do you think? Are you in or are you out? Can I trust you? I have to know I can trust you. Prove to me that I can trust you. You call yourself a writer, so let’s write this thing. Let’s set the record straight. Let’s tell everyone what it’s like in this world.”

Lenny bills itself as an “email newsletter where there’s no such thing as too much information.” First of all, it’s WAY more than a newsletter. It’s like a multi-blog on culture, politics, style and work. It’s the brainchild of Lena Dunham + Jenni Konner.

 

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