I always read my blog spam, because it’s so funny. Most of it is generated by computer translator, and sent into cyberspace hoping we’ll buy viagra, shoes or web whatsis. Here’s a sample of some of the nonsense I got today.
There’s the “pretend-to-be-a-comment” but obviously not genre:
Some write in decent English, praising me to the skies.
Snoreaid said: “Wow, fantastic blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your web site is excellent, let alone the content!”
Gee, thanks, Snore Aid! But that’s how to write good spam — let alone the content!
I liked this one because of the translator effect: “Hello! I emphatically would comparable to give a enormous thumbs positive for the fantastic facts you have here proceeding this send. I will be present next back to your blog for additional soon.”
I now want to pepper my daily conversations with “enormous thumbs positive!” and wave goodbye cheerily and shout: “I will be present next back for additional soon!”
Then there’s the classic underkill: “you are very consistent in your words, and this makes your site very reliable.
lista de email, indeed!
I love the ones that seem to be real comments if you just skim them. They’re clever — adversarial, get my attention, then make me laugh!
I received these responses to a post about David Petraeus and the recent scandal. (click to read it)
This one’s from someone selling online attorney services but with a suspiciously strange email link:
“Would it help if we all promised never to vote for Obama again?Reply
April 6th, 2013 at 10:09 am
48 PsiFighter37 Says:
@JPL: Just did a little Googling about this…she explained the context that it can feel like it when your husband is president. I can see that, given that when he’s in Washington, he probably only sees his family at dinner time and is pretty much occupied the rest of the time.”
Hmmmm…. Didn’t mention Obama or neglected first ladies, but still, it seems like a conversation — if I’m dreaming!
And this from someone who doesn’t believe in apostrophes, but wants me to take up my sword and email him at actualkidney.com:
“The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could fix if you werent too busy looking for attention.”
Makes me want to fight back! But I resist, because I already have actual kidneys.
Finally, there are the surreal ones, my favorites!
“I’m mad and that’s a fact I found out animals don’t help Animals think they’re pretty smart Shit on the ground, see in the dark” (It was unclear what they were trying to get me to buy, but this was kind of a crude poem….)
Let’s see…. I know — a HAIKU! I’ll call it “Anger”
animals don’t help
think they’re smart but not,
shit on the ground, see in the dark