Spam is funny writing — or is it inspiration!?

I always read my blog spam, because it’s so funny. Most of it is generated by computer translator, and sent into cyberspace hoping we’ll buy viagra, shoes or web whatsis. Here’s a sample of some of the nonsense I got today.

There’s the “pretend-to-be-a-comment” but obviously not genre:

Some write in decent English, praising me to the skies.

Snoreaid said: “Wow, fantastic blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your web site is excellent, let alone the content!”

Gee, thanks, Snore Aid! But that’s how to write good spam — let alone the content!

I liked this one because of the translator effect: “Hello! I emphatically would comparable to give a enormous thumbs positive for the fantastic facts you have here proceeding this send. I will be present next back to your blog for additional soon.”

I now want to pepper my daily conversations with “enormous thumbs positive!” and wave goodbye cheerily and shout: “I will be present next back for additional soon!”

Then there’s the classic underkill: “you are very consistent in your words, and this makes your site very reliable. lista de email lista de email lista de email lista de email lista de email”

lista de email, indeed!

I love the ones that seem to be real comments if you just skim them. They’re clever — adversarial, get my attention, then make me laugh!

I received these responses to a post about David Petraeus and the recent scandal. (click to read it)

This one’s from someone selling online attorney services but with a suspiciously strange email link:

“Would it help if we all promised never to vote for Obama again?Reply
April 6th, 2013 at 10:09 am

48 PsiFighter37 Says:

@JPL: Just did a little Googling about this…she explained the context that it can feel like it when your husband is president. I can see that, given that when he’s in Washington, he probably only sees his family at dinner time and is pretty much occupied the rest of the time.”

Hmmmm…. Didn’t mention Obama or neglected first ladies, but still, it seems like a conversation — if I’m dreaming!

And this from someone who doesn’t believe in apostrophes, but wants me to take up my sword and email him at actualkidney.com:

“The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, but I actually thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could fix if you werent too busy looking for attention.”

Makes me want to fight back! But I resist, because I already have actual kidneys.

Finally, there are the surreal ones, my favorites!

“I’m mad and that’s a fact I found out animals don’t help Animals think they’re pretty smart Shit on the ground, see in the dark” (It was unclear what they were trying to get me to buy, but this was kind of a crude poem….)

Let’s see…. I know — a HAIKU! I’ll call it “Anger”

animals don’t help

think they’re smart but not,

shit on the ground, see in the dark

Writing inspiration is everywhere!

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9 thoughts on “Spam is funny writing — or is it inspiration!?

    • Yeah, they just go onandonandonandon and somehow think we don’t NOTICE. I guess what it takes for spam to work is for bloggers to only half read responses! I just LOVED that “I am mad” response. So I guess I don’t want them to STOP, but just get surreal enough to amuse and surprise me.

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    • I know! That one about Obama made me think twice — I even checked the blog to see if I’d talked about lonely wives or something like that. It could be that some of the spam comments are actual people selling dialysis and viagra who are paid to skim blogs and say something on them, so maybe that’s why the animal rant, or the Obama/Hilary rant. Or maybe, the spambots actually repost other blog responses and maybe 2% of the time they match and get a hit from the blogger. Who knows?

      Some of them just get an enormous thumbs positive from myself! Wherever they arrive hence fromwith!

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  1. Yep, I got the animals one, yesterday! However, my favourite has to be the one telling me I can’t spell. Now, I appreciate I’m English but last time I heard so was Doctor Johnson 🙂

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    • Can’t spell, huh? Very strange. The animals quote comes from the talking heads. Not some clever spammer, but some quoting machine. Or maybe it’s art spam! Here are the lyrics:

      Animals
      ———–

      I’m mad…And that’s a fact
      I found out…Animals don’t help
      Animal think…They’re pretty smart
      Shit on the ground…See in the dark.

      They wander around like a crazy dog
      Make a mistake in the parking lot
      Always bumping into things
      Always let you down down down down.

      Animals think….
      they understand Trust in them…
      A big mistake Animals want…
      to change my life I will ignore…
      animals advice….

      They’re never there when you need them
      They never come when you call them
      They’re never there when you need them
      The nevere come when you call them down down down down.

      I know the animals…Are laughing at us
      They don’t even know…What a joke is
      I won’t follow…Animal’s advice
      I don’t care…If they’re laughing at us.

      They’re never there when you need them
      They never come when you call them
      They’re never there when you need them
      The nevere come when you call them down down down down.

      They say they don’t need money
      They’re lvinign on nuts and berries
      They say animals don’t worry
      You know animals are hairy?
      They think they know what’s best
      They’re making a fool of us
      They ought to be more careful
      They’re setting a bad example
      They have untroubled lives
      They think everything’s nice
      They like to laugh at people
      They’re setting a bad example
      (Go ahead) Laugh at me.

      Like

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